OH, the holidays. A time of cheer, joy, festivity and goodwill. It is also a time of lights, noise, stress, pressure and emotional dysregulation. I know, it’s oh-so-shocking that one is unable to be jolly, however not everyone is able to sprint from Halloween to New Year’s with the enthusiasm (or even the faux enthusiasm) of a 6-year-old hopped up on candy canes and eggnog.
Which gives us our start: not everyone is as merry and happy as you.
The holidays are hard for some people. The holidays are hard for many, many reasons that do not even necessarily include mental illness. Be mindful of this fact when encountering fellow man that is not eagerly plotting his Elf on Shelf exploits or posting photos of their tree. A 2014 survey from NAMI found that 24% of those with a diagnosed mental illness find that the holidays exacerbate their illness up to 40%. One survey respondent who suffers with major depression shared that the holidays highlight all that is challenging about living with depression.
Not everyone has someone to celebrate with.
While the world is off planning and attending holiday celebrations and talking with parents and siblings about the Christmas or Hanukkah menu, there are folks who are spending the holiday alone. Perhaps their anxiety doesn’t permit them to leave the house and enjoy the company of others. Perhaps they suffer from SMI and are in the hospital, on the streets, in jail or worse. Perhaps they are just isolated. There are sadly, far too many reasons why someone might be alone on the holiday. Have compassion. Extend an invite. Provide some companionship. If your schedule allows, volunteer.
But I’m the one with a mental illness. I hate this time of year.
Me too, sister. Me too. It was not always this way either. Repeat after me: I will do self-care.
If I keep my own mental health in mind first and foremost and I can participate in the season. How? Carving out a safe place for when the noise is too much. Last year, during peak squeals of delight and early morning Lego building, I snuck out to my local Starbucks who was open. The twenty minute round trip care ride with a piping hot chai latte was enough to recharge me for a few hours.
I have to become more realistic about what I can and cannot do. For me, having small-ish children this can be challenging. However I cannot say yes to every single thing the kids and others want to do. I am happy that after two years, I have a break from the Polar Express train ride. Maybe next year, if the kids are still into it we can return. I avoid the mall at all costs and do Christmas shopping online. It saves me the stress and I don’t end up grabbing things off of Target end caps because “ooh! Look! Shiny! Pretty! On Sale!”
It is also important for one, including myself, to step back and think about what is the most valuable and treasured aspect of the holidays personally. Is it the meal? It is tradition? Is it volunteering? Focus on that, the one thing you can identify that does feed your soul during this time. Also the answer is personal and different for each of us. This question has no wrong answer.
In the meantime, you will find me continuing my clean eating quest this month, avoiding the Salvation Army Santas with those darn bells and say Hi if you see me sneak out to Starbucks on Christmas morning.
P.S. The most heartfelt thank you to those employees working on the holiday. You have no idea how much those few minutes mean to me.